Case of the Mondays?

"I hate my job, I hate my life and if it weren't for my two kids I'd hate my ex-wife..."   George, it's been one of those days...

And I should for-warn you. IF you're in a good mood today, disregard this post. I tried to make this day turn around, but it isn't working.

I'm so ready for this day to be over. This whole week in fact.

I feel ugly.
I feel fat.
I feel gross.
I feel sad.
I feel mad.
I feel exhausted.
I feel anxious.

I feel...like I'm going to fall apart at any moment. The past couple of days have been rough. I don't remember the last time I had an hour of peaceful sleep. If I can't sleep from the agony of pregnancy, I can't sleep from these off the wall dreams. I should say nightmares. I don't know what is going on in my head. Faaareakin out lately. When I get out of bed in the morning I feel like I am a 98 year old woman whose hips are going to give out at any moment. Literally hobbling to the bathroom for my 7th bathroom trip since the night before. My feet are so swollen, every single step is torture. Then, the crampage. I don't know if the stinker is in an odd position, or they are mild contractions, or just achiness but my stomach/back are killing me. And I should also mention, why on earth would someone even wish morning sickness AND allergies upon any pregnant lady?! SERIOUSLY! I was not this bad with Luke. NEVER! Not even up until the moment he was "seperated" from me.

Physically exhausted, to say the least. The moment I get the opportunity, I'm going to finally use my Valentine's Day gift for that Mommy Massage. Isn't it sad? I haven't had one opportunity to use it in 4 months?!

Yesterday, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I almost died. Seriously, I have never once looked at my own reflection & thought to myself I am so pretty but on the flipside I have never once looked at my own reflection & have been completely disgusted. I don't see a "glow", all I see his bags under the eyse, eyebrows that need did, swollen face, zit here and there annnnd I'm not even going to go into any details below the neck, yack! I worked Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at The Office. At least 50 people asked me when I was due. That's fine. But, when I say July 6th & their comments back are Omg you have awhile to go, You're huuuuge, Are you sure you're not having twins, You look like you're going to pop any minute I'm either going to punch them in the face or just bust out in tears. Seriously. I cannot help 'how' my body reacts to pregnancy. Leave.me.alone.

Confidence level = ZERO

With my physical exhaustion at it's peak & not an ounce of confidence, of course, there is always room for the mental agony to slide on in. I am so over school. How many times have I told you that? IF I could for just ONE day not worry about this assignment or that class, I would be the happiest person on earth. And what do professers loooove to do the last week of class? Oh ya! That's right! They loooooove to shove everything in that they should of spread out over an entire semester. It's great! Good times. Good times.

And the stupid yard sale. The yard sale that I have been planning since spring break. I have so much pricing & loading up to do before Friday & absolutely no time nor energy to do it. I'm highly considering saying everything is FREE and please just walk right in & go down to the blair witch basement & take whatever you would like.

My house?!?! HOW many times a day do I have to clean you? If it's not one room, it's the other. If the house is clean, there is laundry. How three people produce soooo much laundry is beyond me.

Anxiety?? I can't get it under control. I was doing so good for so long. But now, I'm a wreck again. I can't even do anything about it except try to breathe (which is ALSO rather difficult the past few days). I'm so nervous I'm going to have this baby too early. And not be ready. If I could just stop stressing for one second!!! This poor baby probably already thinks his mama is a quack!

Some of my family. Some of my 'friends'. I have just learned to accept them for the people they are. If I never expect anything out of them, I can't get upset when they don't deliver. It's a philosopy I have been living by the past couple days & it seems to be working. It's bs that you give so much of yourself without getting anything in return. But eh, what are you going to do?

Alright, I'm done. I will have a very uplifting post with some adorble pictures later about my weekend. It was good, reallll good. As for now, I am going to get a shower in peace ((ya, skipped class in order to take a shower all by myself)) and then off to get Lukey & go to my baby doc appointment.

I'm sure after getting some TLC from LB & hearing Logan's heartbeat I will be in a much better mood!!