There have been a few comments made about my parenting skills lately. Straight dagger to the heart. The one and only thing in this world where I
This is why these comments came as a schock to me. I have cried myself to sleep and beat myself up daily. Especially after my conversation with my husband who verified these comments. Wow.
Travis is without a doubt the disciplinary in our house. He sticks to his guns and follows through. And you know what? Luke behaves for him. Always.
I "think" that I do ok with enforcing. If Luke is being ridic, I put him in timeout. I make him say please & thank you all.the.time. If he throws a tantrum, I ignore the behaivor. And if he does something completely inappropriate, like hit his brother I "pop" his butt. Yelling is out of the question. Never will.
That is about as far as my mean mom streak goes. I don't want a brat. And I might be in denial, but I really don't think Luke is a brat. I think he is a three year old. A typical three year old. Of course, I have seen a few more well behaved kids than him but on the other hand I have seen tons of kids that make him look like an absolute angel.
This is where the probelm is. I have a higher tolerance level than Trav. Things that bother him don't bother me. So when Trav disciplines Luke for something that I personally would never discipline him for I get mama bear instincts and automatically want to protect my baby. And this is what I am thinking, even though I KNOW it's not right. "That's my baby. I can discipline him, but you or no one else can." Yes. I know that Luke is his son too and he has every right to discipline him
Also. As much as I don't want a brat, I also don't want to in anyway "scar" my kids. And no, I don't think being strict will scar them but how we go about it is what makes me nervous. I want my children to be respectful and kind and caring and feel loved. That's it. And it's all on us as parents. Of course, they will each have their own personalities but we are molding them.
I just want to be the best mom I can be. And the past couple weeks I have been trying very hard to be on the same team as dad and following through when he's not home. I have noticed some small changes in Luke. But Trav
We need to find a happy medium. And that's where you come in. Any advice?!?!
7 comments:
Eric and I always try to back each other up. I'm the same as you though, I tend to be more patient than him but I still back him up even when I think he is being a little crazy. Then when Zack is out of site I tell him he's nuts. :)
Regardless, I think most kids mind their dad more, I think it's because they are scarier.
I think that would solve a lot of problems, just staying on the same team. I never ever ever wanted to be that mom who says "wait until your dad gets home" ugh, it's so difficult.
Maybe it's the tone of their voive. Hell, my damn dogs don't even listen to me. I'm hopeless lol
Guess I can't voice my opinion on this one. No kids.
I will say this though. Unless it is your husband, don't let other people criticize your parenting. No two households are the same, and no one is a perfect parent.
Your boys obviously love you and they are healthy and happy, so you must be doing something right!
Hugs to you! I don't know what I'm doing at all, but here are my two cents:
1. No parent is perfect. :) If you don't yell at your kids, you've already got one up on me!
2. Nothing can drive a wedge into a marriage faster than disagreeing about parenting styles. Definitely get together with Travis and decide what's punishable and what's not. In our house, accidents and childhood curiosity (the first time) are not punished. Only open defiance.
3. For us, whomever punishes also gets to be the comforter and the one who discusses why they were punished a few minutes later. Eric and I JUST had a spat about this the other night. If one parent is always punishing and the other always comforting it turns into good cop/bad cop, and the kids will pick up on that fast.
4. You are doing a great job! Luke is one of the best behaved children I've ever seen, but every kid has their bad days. Trying to please everyone is exhausting, so don't worry about trying. Tell the naysayers that you know your child better than anyone and that's the end of the discussion.
Sarah, You're kids are healthy and happy. So emotionally scaring them... please sister! They are fine, they are better than fine. Guess what... your dad used to spank you too. There is a very cute picture of you in the back seat of his car... you know which one. :) Are you emotionally scared from your dad's spanking? You knew he loved you.
You both spend time with your kids and you both love them and you don't let them do whatever they want. When done correctly, discipline is teaching behavior skills. Just because you see kids acting better... maybe they do...maybe they are beat if they don't behave like a cowering dog. Some of the best behaving children are also extremely socially awkward... which brings in a whole new set of concerns. (remind you of anyone)
I think you and Travis should be on the same page.You don't want good cop/bad cop b/c then the kid is always in trouble either way and can't stay out of trouble b/c it isn't clear what is acceptable and what isn't. Kids even the 18 year olds I work with here... want boundaries. They think they don't but they really do. They need to know there are consequences for behavior and how it effects others around them. So when Luke hits Logan, not just DON'T HIT but the "You can hurt him really bad"... is the most important part... and I'm sure you are doing that!
So moral of the story..the grass is always greener on the other side. ALWAYS... even those you see everyday who appear well adjusted... maybe they are...maybe they aren't. Do your best, love them, make sure they have a conscience and don't harm others or take from others, that they work hard so they can play hard. That is all I could ever want in a parent. OH and respecting Women...That is a biggie too! :) You've got this. You're a good mom. And if people are saying stuff behind your back...tells you alot about what they are teaching their kids... be passive aggressive (be a mean girl) nice to your face and vicious behind your back... see it all perspective. :) I <3 you and your dad would be proud of your parenting I think.
I totally agree that parents need to be on the same side and I will agree that me and Eli are not! Lets just say we are still worknig on it!
BUT don't let anyone question your parenting skills...you are a great mom...I can see that just from your blogs, talking to you and seeing you out with them. I was once told I was a bad mom because of some of my parenting skills and I pretty much told one of my best friends to mind her biz becasue ever child is diffrent and so is every household! If everyone did everything the same the world would not go round!
Girls, thank you so much! Seriously, great advice. I think I beat myself up a little to hard sometimes. I do have a few areas to work on. Including telling other people to mind their own business ;)
HUGS!! Love you all :)
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