Someone once told me that everyday when you wake up in the morning you choose to either have a good day or you choose to have a bad day. I thought that might be a little far fetched. There is a thing call destiny, ya know. BUT then I tried it! Low and behold it worked!! After all, you can choose your own destiny.
It was a nasty cold, wet day outside. I maaaybe had 4 hours of sleep behind me. I had tests that day, homework not done. Broke, no gas in my car. I had to work that night. On any other typical day this day would not be considered one of my better days. But it was the day after I heard this new way of thinking. So when I woke up, knowing all the dreadful things ahead of me that day were, I told myself 'Sarah this is going to be a gooood day, Lord please let it be a good day.' Sure enough, it was. Even though I had all that well, crap going on it was a good day. Not because of the obstacles of the day, but because I had a good attitude.
I haven't really had to use this theory for quite sometime. After all, everyday being a stay at home mommy is a good day. That's all I want. To be with Luke everyday, all day. That's my happy. But yesterday (& well today too) I had to repeat those words to myself. In case you forgot: Everyday when you wake up in the morning you choose to either have a good day or you choose to have a bad day. School started. BLAH!!! Even though I chose on my own that I wanted to go back to school, school isn't fun. I don't know anyone who just absolutely loooves the idea of sitting at a desk all day, working, and not getting paid for it. Anywho..I told myself yesterday that I was going to have a good day. Despite the morning sickness, the heartache of leaving Luke at daycare, and the dreaded classes I had to attend. And you KNOW on the first day of each semester there are new professors and new classmates. And what does that mean? A game. A silly, dumb game where you have to tell something interesting about yourself, you say a word that describes you starting with the first letter of your name. Ay Ay Ay. Seriously? I just want to learn the material & go home to my baby!!
But, all in all my theory worked once again. It was a good day which later turned into a good night. I was d.r.e.a.d.i.n.g. my Economics class. Everyone at SWIC talks about how much torture it is & how everyone fails it. I wasn't sure what they were talking about. I had Economics with H to the enne in h.s. & it wasn't so bad. Boring, yes but torture no. Well, well, well. My Economics class just so happens to be via Video Conference. Kind of strange, and my first class setting set up like this. But it's kind of neat. My professor is extremely comical. Which will make the hour and fifteen mintues go by much faster. Yes I count every minute of class. I even have a count down until spring semester ends. 30 days of T&Th classes and 30 days of M&W classes. See? I really don't like school that much!
I did tear up TWICE in my Eco class though, even with the comedy. My professor expressed to us that she chooses to be here everyday. In return, she would like us to choose to be here everyday as well. She told us she knows that a lot of us our parents and rather be at home being the ones taking care of them (here came the tears) O.M.G. :( That is the one nice thing about SWIC. A lot of people are in the same boat as me. We have children. Going to school, having children is heartbreaking and impowering at the same time. I would NOT be in school if I didn't have Luke. And I will thank him one day for that. AND I will make him proud, showing him the ethics of hard work and determination. Then my professor told us not to listen to anyone but ourselves. Not our spouses, not our parents, not our friends but ourselves. This is something I need to learn. I don't think I make a single decision on my own. One, I don't really like to be a decision maker. Two, I'm always afraid of making the wrong decision and making someone disappointed. I'm the girl who is a mother and a wife and I still call my parents for every big decision I make. Which usually puts me and the hubs in a perdicament because He thinks it's between me & him. Which, he is probably right. I just have a hard time realizing that it's me & him now. Not me, him, my parents, and his parents. Time to grow up just a litttle more Sarah Elizabeth. Anyway...I'm getting off track. She said that her father always told her "Arm yourself with knowledge, or you will be a victim your whole life." (Here we go again with the tears) It got to me. I wouldn't call myself a victim. But I will admit that I am not independent. When it comes to motherhood. YES. When it comes to everything else in my life. NO. I am always worried about what everyone (when I mean everyone I mean the people who are close to me) thinks. I let that worry take over what I really think. I'm a people pleaser. I live to please others. Whether it makes me tired, or angry, or sad, or happy, or stressed I aim to please. Always have and hopefully that changes (a bit). I do get some sort of high off of making others happy, but I have forgotten myself for a looooong time. When I mean long, I mean my whole life. Or the part I remember anyways. And you know what really stinks about being a people pleaser. Not only do you not put yourself first, or second, or even third, you are not the person you COULD be. I could be such a better person, by putting myself first. I would have so much more to offer. This is a step in a new direction. Becoming my own, unique, strong person through education and a career. And from that I will become a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend.
Sorry guys, it's 6 in the morning. AND I am NOT a morning person. I'm pretty sure I'm rambling. But hopefully you got at least a litttle something out of this rambliness. I wanted to leave you with this. Because let's face it. My theory MIGHT not always work....
When I went to Hickey (which btw was my 3rd attempt at college, however! I did actually graduate from there. Despite the fact that I did NOT want to sit at a desk the rest of my life. Hence, why I'm back at it again for the 4th time. Buuut that's another post) they gave us a piece of yellow paper with a poem on it. Well, I fell in love with this poem. I read it numerous times a day while I was at Hickey. I with through my pregnancy while I was there. And let me tell you, going to school pregnant is TOUGH. It flat out stinks. Side Note: Everyday after lunch I had a typing class with those keyboards that slide out. Well, little LB would just kick up a storm after I ate and would always kick the keyboard back in. Everyone would just laugh. The first time it happened a girl screamed & my teacher started running saying "OMG, Sarah did your water break" Aww, good memory :) AND then I went through the first few months of being a new mom with a newborn at home. That was even TOUGHER. Seriously, Hickey has an extreme strict attendance policy. EVEN if you are giving birth. I had Luke on a Thursday morning and I was back at class on Tuesday. Talk about withdraw. Ugh! So yes, I had to read this poem over and over again on those hard days.
I still have the yellow piece of paper with the poem on it. I have it taped to my SWIC folder with a picture of Luke and Baby R. I read it everyday in class to remind myself of WHY I'm here and that 'all great achievements require time' Here it is:
Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit!
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As everyone one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!
I hope everyone chooses to have a GREAT day today :) I know I am!!
1 comment:
Such an encouraging post Sarah and a good poem. Life is what you make it and that is the motto I go by everyday.
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